Жена пастора, Часть 2:

Быть женой пастора – интересная роль. Требуется особая благодать, чтобы любить мужчину, который одновременно является образцом для других и в то же время часто становится объектом недовольства других. Почему он мишень, а не просто лидер? Позвольте мне объяснить это, потому что я считаю, что это важно для всех членов церкви.

Первая и основная преданность пастора – Богу и Его Слову. Это верность выше его дружбы с членами церкви. Это может быть очень уединенное и изолированное место. Но это особая жертва и призвание пастора.

Итак, как жена пастора, я тоже должна подчиниться этому. Это означает, что в разные моменты жизни члены церкви будут недовольны вашим мужем, потому что они иногда не могут разрешить свой грех непосредственно перед Богом.

По моему опыту, одна из самых сложных вещей в работе жены пастора состоит в том, что это требует огромной способности тихо прощать снова и снова. Почему «тихо»? Потому что эти люди, направляя на Бога, стреляют в вашего мужа, которого вы любите. Ему Бог дал благодать, чтобы в него стреляли. Жене даровано благодать наблюдать за этим–и прощать эти раны, которые в тебе также поподают ради мужа.

Много лет назад Бог научил меня, что для того, чтобы повиноваться Ему в этой роли, я должна была установить священные границы вокруг моей преданности мужу. В моей собственной преданности-Богу-прежде-всего те, кто ранил его, будут прощены мной. Они никогда не попросят у меня прощения, но я прощу их. Я буду прощать их снова и снова. Я не буду участвовать в мирской предоннасти, которая ведет меня к обидам и горечи за мужа. Я, в своей роли, приму часть Христа и прощу.

Это одна из дисциплин жены пастора, за которую я благодарна. Это свобода великая! Я все больше и больше благодарна за чрезмерную любовь Христа ко всем друзьям и врагам, потому что граница между другом и врагом иногда совсем нечеткая.

Благодарю Тебя, Боже, за твою милость и любовь. Пусть они проникнут в мое существо, исцелив меня от всех грехов–моих собственных и других. И пусть это изольется из моего существа по доброй воле ко всем, кто меня окружает, особенно к тем, кто находится в теле Твоего возлюбленного Сына, Иисуса Христа. Амин.

Жена пастора, часть 1:

В этом году, Бог, по Своей милости, дает мне новую благодать в роле «жена пастора». Честно говоря, столько лет я и не хотела видеть себя в этом роле, но Бог по каком-то мере, дал мне этот роль, хотя я иностранка здесь и считаю себе больше как «миссионерка». Но, так как Бог двигает в этом сейчас, я открыта к Нему. Хочу вещей делиться в этом году, когда они сформируется в словах.

В начале нашего брака (2004), у Виталия уже был большое количество опыта в церковном лидерстве, так как он жил в селе, в селах, и был мало мужчин. Он тоже хорошо слушал его лидеров, и он учился в этих годах (в институте) с лидерами, и его ориентация на служении были серьёзными. (Он может, и по другому это все сказал бы, но это в моих словах . )

Я тоже дочь служителя, и я была удивлена его уровнем мудрости в решении вопросы у членов. Огромный был опыт, и он хорошо сочетал принципы Божьего Слова с реальностью жизни.

В этих годах, мы были молодыми, энергичными, дети не привязывали, и столько мы занимались молодежью! И в день и ночь, и в холод и в жару. Был спортивный клуб у нас, молодежка, и лагери без конца (взяли всех (на Славуте!) в лагер в Одесу однажды!)….

Вау, я удивлена сейчас, когда это все вспомню.Я благодарна Богу, для того, как Он нас вел.

I have zero desires to have any goals or resolutions. This is … weird. I’m not usually like this, but you know, I’m rolling with it. It’s a strange year generally, so I’m “going with my flow” about New Year’s stuff. Zero ambition? Sure, let’s live with that for a while. It’s not a permanent condition.

The second reason I’m accepting this state of being:

At this time in my life, home schooling and other projects of my current life are HUGE deals; they are responsibilities I’m not bowing out of but investing into, and that means, I haven’t a lot of energy for other projects right now. All other goals seem to be piling on yet even more obligations, and I have enough of those right now.

I’m in a stretch of four years of the hardest home schooling (two in high school, plus two other grades). So until graduation in 2024, this is going to be a huge deal. I’m OK with accepting this right now.

Book translation/publishing, conference for home schooling moms, supporting Vitaliy as he returns to academics–it’s enough.

So here’s what I *feel* or *sense* God is leading me to do this year: I’m going to wake up each day and ask Him to personally lead me through each day and to bring across my path any other projects, people, events, etc. that He wants to bring to me.

My usual New Year resolutions usually focus on some Habits. So this year, here are my thoughts: I have the disciplines of school, Bible reading, church attendance, plus other things, filling my life to the brim. I haven’t the capacity to add something else. So I’m just being open to God showing me any other habit(s) He wishes to empower me to do as I go through this year. I’m not going to plan it this year. This is the grace He’s giving me for this year.

I say “plans” because “goals more imply to me things that I want to add to or achieve in my life. I don’t actually have (m)any of those goals for next year. Mostly, I have plans.

Plans for 2021:

1. Finish editing and then publish Clay Clarkson’s Heartfelt Discipline.
2. Host our conference for homeschool moms, hopefully in March.
3. Support Vitaliy as he writes a thesis paper in order to graduate with a baccalaureate in May, then support him as he starts graduate studies in the Fall.
4. Homeschool, homeschool, homeschool.
5. Spend time with my parents if they are able to come May-October
6. Support our church going through the church-building process

Also, I would like to read. I’m not exactly sure of what, but two examples are

1. In Russian, Ushinsky’s book for moms/teachers (a famous Russian pedagogue)
2. Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers

Other than that, I don’t have much planned…. Not like former years when I had lots of personal goals.

Oh, one other thing that I think God is poking me to do is to study certain topics in the Bible. Like I think He wants me to study the theme of Lord’s Supper/Communion. And a few other things.

I wish I blogged more. Maybe I will give myself permission to blog more during 2021 🙂 I just feel like things I analyze right now are either too repetitious, or that they are too private and not to be shared publicly.

So I want to write about homeschooling 😉 I want to have record, as it’s all going by in a blur now.

This is half-way through 9th grade with Skyla and Vika. I suddenly decided to do 9th grade as block classes. So last semester, we did Geometry and Chemistry as our two huge, main classes.

Bible is going all year. We also did Health, Pottery & Drawing.

This coming semester, we continue Bible and Drawing. Our two major classes are Ancient History & Geography and English. Philosophy is also a minor class.

These classes (except Bible and Drawing) are all connected in one program– Tapestry of Grace Year 1. This covers Creation to the Fall of Rome. It’s an intense program, but I enjoy these subjects a lot, and I have the energy to sustain my enthusiasm for them.

For history, we complete the week with a Socratic discussion. So I bought a video lesson where the program writer teaches how to lead a Socratic discussion, and it’s a fascinating technique! Last Friday we sat in the cafe at the mall and had our discussion. We also have a Literature discussion, and they have small, weekly writing assignments.

It’s quite a change from the Math/Science side to the History/English side, but here we go!

I also wanted to say, that choosing to enjoy home school and invest in it has helped me gain emotional and mental enthusiasm for the subject matter. A book I read, Morning by Morning, talked about having enthusiasm for subject matter, to sustain the natural resistance to learning that some kids have.

So I’ve been messing around with how to have that enthusiasm, and 1. studying educational techniques, 2) reading about educational philosophies, 3) no longer pregnant/breastfeeding/co-sleeping, and 4) generally applying myself to become proficient in this role of home educating mom — have all helped me gain enthusiasm for my subject matter, varied as it is.

Only the Lord knows what 2021 holds in store, but this is what’s planned, and I’m learning to pray consistently about our learning and relationships.

I want to write down what we’re doing this year because experience tells me I will just forget it all 😉

I”m going to write about doing 9th grade with the girls.

I suddenly decided to do block classes. Which means, we’re doing less classes for double the time. Instead of doing chemistry for an hour a day all year, we’re doing it for 2 hours a day for a semester.

And geometry. 2 lessons/day, and they’ll be done in October/November.

And I scheduled Health class (online) to be daily from Sept to December.

So, three block classes.

Bible, I’m keeping that going all year– it’s a program that needs to be spaced out for assimilation. We do this three days/week.

Art– we do 2-3 hours a week. This week was 2.5 hours of pottery! Yippee 🙂

So here’s hoping we survive and thrive through 9th grade 😉 <3

I also want to mention the Guest Hollow Chemistry in the Kitchen class we’re taking. It has great books to read, lots of youtube videos to watch, and easy/neat experiments to do in the kitchen. I’m very pleased with it.

This is a neat book that I would not have the discipline/desire to read if it weren’t for this class. It’s just fascinating, how things like Vitamin C deficiency impacted the exploration of the world. Immensely. And how gold influenced history! And salt! and sugar! Really, it is simply fascinating.

One reason I’m glad I go to Curves to work out is that just being there motivates me to take care of myself. It IS caring for myself, in that I exercise there, but also, just being in that atmosphere motivates me to care for myself.

So, a few days back, one of the trainers bugged me into doing their 21-day marathon (it’s an eating program for 21 days). I’ve done them before. I’ve done their Food School, which is even more educational and intense (weekly meetings, information, etc).

So I agreed and paid for the marathon. Then I wasn’t really happy I did that, and didn’t have energy to open up the info and look it over. Homeschooling just saps so much energy somehow.

But the night before I was to start, something bumped me to do open up the files, and so I did. I bought the stuff I’d need for the Day 1 menu.

So now I’m finishing Day 2, and I’m actually really glad I’m doing this. I’m not hormonally, emotionally glad. Just factually glad. I’m doing it. It’s good.

Here are my measurement results for today, Sept 3, 2020:

Body fat, for example, was 36.4 in March, 2020, and today it’s 36.5. My muscle percent was 28 in March, and now 28.3.

I’m happy that I’ve generally been holding OK these months of quarantine, summer, travel.

Also, I weigh like 165, and what I’m glad about that is that my “normal” weight used to be 175. I’ve spent most of my life around 175 lbs; my body always pulled that number. But now I’ve moved what I feel “normal” in down to 165. I feel normal at 165. I’m hoping to lower that ingrained perception of what is my normal weight, but I want to acknowledge the progress I’ve made.

Along those lines, I want to say how thankful I am that I have worked hard on keeping my weight down. I have done this very imperfectly and with such stops, starts, spurts. I’m thankful for what I’ve been able to maintain. It has not come easily.

It helped when when I accepted that I will not have a smooth linear downward weight loss, then a flat horizontal maintenance. I will quit, be de-motivated, be re-motivated, start again and again and again. It’s OK.

About my percent of body fat, Healthline.com gives these guidelines:

For women, an “acceptable” level of body fat is 25-31%. A “fitness” level is 21-24% body fat. They quote another sources based on age says that women aged 40-59 (I’m currently 44) should be in the 23-33% range. So I’m thankful that I’m close to “acceptable.” It would be nice to get into the “fitness” range, but I’m not sure I want or will be able to do that.

For muscle mass, the same site says that a woman 36 to 55 years old, should have a muscle mass of 29-31%. Wow, at 28%, I’m not too far from this– and for this I am also thankful.

Healthy visceral fat is under 13.

So, there we go.

So, I’ve had a series about my “midlife crisis,” which for me has been a process of saying good-bye to some of the dreams I imagined being and doing and embracing the life I really have.

Congratulations, Me, I really like my life as it is! I can think about my unfulfilled dreams without pain and with appreciation that I haven’t lived that life by choice, and that I have a fulfilling joy about the life that I do have.

It’s been a long, wonderful journey of about 6 years, coming through all of this. I am thankful for the Lord’s leading, I’m thankful for His will for my life.

Also, I’m ready to embrace one of the major tasks of Older Life, as expressed so well by Marcia Sommerville in her book, Love the Journey:

One of my essential tasks for this time period is to maintain a loving, close, intimate relationship with God.

Her expression of that task has helped me not lose my bearings while I’m in this Long Middle of the journey– where neither the beginning nor the end is in view.

Thank You, God. You lead me in paths of righteousness for Your name’s sake.

So I wanted to record these two things. After many years of *holding* the idea of doing a conference for homsechooling moms, God made definite motions to initiate and fulfill the plan.

In the early days of taking steps of faith, He encouraged me with two places from Scripture.

One, I was reading the story of Samson, and while I dearly hope that God saves me from Samson’s moral failure and apparent lack of heart to glorify God, I was touched by the Spirit’s coming upon him to accomplish supernatural acts.

So, this conference is not a supernatural act, but 1. I want supernatural things to happen in our hearts, things that only God’s Spirit can do, and 2. I want to not work in my own power to plan this, but to work in the Spirit’s power. So Samson’s story impressed this aspect upon me.

Also, I was touched by Jesus’ words, when He dried the fig tree and the disciples wondered about it, and then He said, “Have faith in God…. Truly I tell you, if anyone says …., and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

This encouraged me because I know that God Himself it urging this conference to be done, and I am asking with my *hands off* and wanting with a clear heart to do His plan.